Wednesday, March 09, 2005

The Porno Boy Chronicles: The Cabbie Stories

Porno Boy was a notorious cab ditcher. He did this for two reasons: he was/is a sleaze, and he's also a racist. He also was drunk pretty much every single time he did it; he's also broke most of the time as well. Since a fairly large portion of the cab drivers in NYC are either Pakistani, Indian, or Sikh, Porno Boy feels he can justify ditching the fare on these hardworking folks due to their ethnicity. But his cab ditching tendencies didn't always go off without a hitch.

On one occasion, whilst living with a very good friend of mine (who most certainly regretted inviting Porno Boy into the living arrangement), there was a knock on the door of the apartment at 2:00 am or thereabouts. (On a weeknight, no less.) At the door were two cops and a slight Pakistani man. The cops said to my friend something to the effect of, "This guy says you ditched his fare." Now, this friend was in a dead sleep, and it was fairly obvious to the cops. After thinking for a second, he said to the cops, "Uh....c'mon in." He guided them to the sofa, where Porno Boy was hiding behind it. "Oh....I was just kidding around," or something to that effect, then sheepishly paid the fare.

Another time I received a call from Porno Boy on a Saturday morning. "Hey, what's goin' on?", I asked. "Nothing. What are you doing?", said Porno. We chatted a bit more, then he told me that he tried to ditch a cabbie the night before. This particular time the cabbie had no interest in letting him get away with it. The cabbie ran down the street after him, and promptly beat the crap out of him until Porno Boy paid the fare. Quoth Porno Boy, "You know, I hate those f***kin' Pakis, but I gotta tell ya. That guy that beat the sh*t out of me for the fare....I respect that guy."

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